Portmansheau

PATG152


Portmansheau
Portmansheau
PATG152
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*Attention: This show is so old it’s in the ARCHIVES now! For exclusive access to the MP3 version of this show, head over to our Patreon page!*

Recording Date – 02 / Aug / 2014
Music picked by – [Andrew]
The Gang – Puke, Andrew, Ellen, Dale

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Intro Song –
~ [artist] RX Bandits
~ [song] Stargazer

Guest –
~ [Name] Dale
~ [URL] www.flamingfreedom.com

Weekly Ramblings –
~ Return from VA
~ AutoX #4, Andrew get’s #1 again.
~ Train Ride on the Hobo Railroad
~ Girl takes photo with Puke’s car.
~ Andrew eats a fruit / turning into a health-man

Curmudgeon Corner –
~ All of the things

Shove it in your pie-hole –
~ [drink] Dundee Seasonal Variety Pack
~ [food] Otis Spunkmeyer

Break Song –
~ [artist] RX Bandits
~ [song] Wide Open

~ I can’t remember what we talked about after the break. – Puke

Incoherent Ramblings –
~ [See Below]

Outro Plugs –
~ Official website @ www.Puke and the Gang.com
~ Donate to our booze fund with Bitcoins or PayPal
~ Subscribe, rate, and review the show @ iTunes and Stitcher
~ Follow, Like, and Converse Twitter  and Facebook
~ See the show Live Stream @ PukeAndTheGang.com/Live
~ Instagram – Puke @ DoomsDayDevice
~ Email us your questions, incoherent ramblings,
or get advice @ show@pukeandthegang.com

Outro Song –
~ [artist] RX Bandits
~ [song] Meow! Meow! Space Tiger

Incoherent Ramblings – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
From: Cowboy Blackie
Message: During porcfest nick got really drunk. So my black cowboy buddies and I all took turns sucking nick’s dick and fucking him in the ass. #affirmativeaction
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From: Miriam Godwinson
Message: Hey motherfuckers. I thought this article was fucking interesting and I thought you might fucking enjoy it!http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2014/07/us-states-tightness-looseness-map
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From: Brad
Message: Definitely the most fun place to smoke heroin.
http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-men-chuck-e-cheese-heroin-arrests-20140711-story.html
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From: Dalebert
Message: Potential drop for your sound board at 30:20. You’re welcome.
http://flamingfreedom.com/2014/07/14/episode-2014-july-13th/
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From: Joe G.
Message: This is a brief tale of a sexual assault on me, a 27 year old man in Canada. I couldn’t think of anyone more appropriate than you guys to tell.
My girlfriend and I were out shopping for rugs today. While browsing, I noticed a young man in his mid 20s lounging around on the couches. I didn’t get a good look at his face but what made him stand out to me was how disheveled he was; not very clean looking, shirt riding up so half his stomach was showing while he sprawled out on a recliner couch.  My girlfriend and I decided on a rug and were told to wait a few minutes while it was rolled up, plastic wrapped, and brought to the cashier.  We decided to kill time by trying out some couches and love seats. Right as we sat down on a long leather couch about 25 feet away from the young man I mentioned earlier he turned and looked at me.

I’m not sure what kind of special this guy was. I looked up pictures of retarded people and I’m pretty sure he was a Down’s syndrome with extra Down’s.

As soon as our eyes met he was on his feet heading over to the couch my girlfriend and I were sitting on. He stopped in front of me and gave me a gentle push indicating that he wanted me to move over (not an overhand, straight arm shove but a gentle, underhand push like you would do if trying to signal someone to make a little more room for you). I obliged, he seemed like a harmless guy, and he sat down beside me with a happy grin.
Let me tell you, this guy works fast. Within 5 seconds of him sitting down he was trying to push me over onto my side (using a much more forceful, overhand shove this time and then leaning his weight on me). This made me very uncomfortable. I stood up so fast that the special fell into a half lying position on the couch where I was seated. I tried to get away quickly but I was slowed down by a coffee table and was going to have to sidestep my way out. From his semi prone position he reached up and shoved his hand into my armpit. He was trying to tickle me. I looked down at him while sidestepping away and saw him giggling and gesturing with his head for me to sit back down.  At this point I still thought he was just trying to be friendly… but then I saw his other hand…

His dick was still in his pants so stroking it wasn’t a possibility but man oh man he was grabbing it and tugging on it something fierce and there were definitely signs of a boner. I got around the coffee table and started to walk away when I heard his mother yell out his name and tell him to “stop that”. I’m not sure if she apologized first or if I just yelled out “Its Fine, Its Fine” (I think I was trying to convince myself more than assure his mother) and my head filled with the sound of Nick yelling “Call 911, call 911!”.
My girlfriend and I walked a few aisles down and I thought I was calming down. I filled her in on the details she missed (the dick part) and as I spoke it aloud my bowels went cold. As I described what happened to her and even now as I write this I find myself wondering what would have happened if he used his ‘tard strength on me….

I’m not sure what else to say so I think I’ll end the email here and finish my beer rather than continue re-traumatizing myself.
Thanks for the hours of entertainment
from the man with the most tightly clenched asshole in North America
Joe
P.S. #SomeMenToo
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Photos from this episode can be seen and commented on @facebook.com/PukeAndTheGang/photos_stream

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