PATG363: Mall Santa

PATG363: Mall Santa

*Attention: This show is so old it’s in the ARCHIVES now! For exclusive access to the MP3 version of this show, head over to our Patreon page!*

Recording Date – 10 / Feb / 2019

The Gang – Puke, Andrew, & Brett

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Incoherent Listener Ramblings –

~ [See Below]

Break Promo –

~ The Discomfort Zone : Season 2 – Meeting 1

Talkings About –

~ Doctor Dick Warmer

~ Sidestream companion to The Ploon

~ Turdshift

~ “Do Not Attempt” in every commercial. Rock climbing, towing a trailer, swimming, rowing a skull.

~ PATG old episode review (sorry, this was awful)

~ Andrew gets can’t talk to the cute woman at work event

~ Super Bowl at Buffalo Wild Wings w/ missed opportunities

News –

~ The Green New Deal

~ ICE-ing

Incoherent Ramblings – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

From: Justin P.

Message: Andrew you should give Dirty Rice another listen. It’s one of my favorites albums front to back. Definitely one of the Caddies’ best.  

Opinions on buying an older bmw, Mercedes, Audi vs Toyota,Nissan or Domestic.

Looking for a four door car to commute in

I want something comfortable and responsible on gas / maintenance. Looking at spending something close to 3k.

I commute about 100miles round trip daily.

Oh  now that we are on cars are you guys planning on getting in autocross again?

Puke do you still carry concealed? If so what is your weapon of choice?  I currently have a Springfield Xd service .45 and love shooting it but trying to Conceal that hand cannon is a joke and not at all comfortable. But anything compact that I have shot is really hard to hang on to and my shooting suffers greatly.

Bret I recently removed my kids from public school and placed them in an online program

Called Acellus have you heard of this? Opinions / Advice

My oldest is a junior and I’m alike concerned about College  acceptance, She desires to be a Doctor.

The only thing I think the show is missing is breadsticks. Do it for the show….

I can’t stand it, I know you planned it

I’mma set it straight, this Watergate

I can’t stand rockin’ when I’m in here

‘Cause your crystal ball ain’t so crystal clear

So while you sit back and wonder why

I got this fuckin’ thorn in my side

Oh my god, it’s a mirage

I’m tellin’ y’all, it’s sabotage

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From: Shitty McShitsalot

Message: You guys seem to like poop stories so I thought I’d share my adventures from today, Tuesday, January 29th, 2019, with you.

I woke up this morning alone in bed, thankfully, my partner is an out of town guy this week. I had to fart, no big deal, I’m alone. So I did, but something wasn’t right. Why did it feel wet between my ass cheeks?

I panicked, ripped off the covers, jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Sure enough, I’d sharted in bed.

As soon as I got into the bathroom I had to take an actual shit. Now I’ve had liquidy diarrhea before but this… This was just brown liquid pouring out of my butthole with so much force it was splashing back up onto my ass.

I chewed a couple anti-diarrhea pills and wanted to get in the shower but I still had to check the sheets. Yup, the sheets were shitty. After scrubbing them off I got in the shower, having to jump out and several times to pour more liquid out my ass.

I finally got cleaned and threw the sheets in the wash. Pour some more liquid out my butt, took another anti-diarrhea pill.

By this time I must’ve taken enough diarrhea meds because I completely stopped pooping.

After a few hours of feeling run down and like my stomach was constantly cramped I started getting hungry. I didn’t think I could eat anything solid so I had some butternut squash soup.

Took the dogs out, went to the mail box. Now I’m really feeling like crap. Every minute I feel like another weight is being put on my shoulders. I’m starting to feel like I might pass out. I lay down on the couch for a while but can’t sleep even though I’m exhausted.

I’ve got a jug of water I’ve been drinking from I don’t get dehydrated. I take a swig and 30 seconds later I know it was coming back up.

I run into the bathroom, throw the toilet seat up and as soon as I get my head down I start projectile vomiting a massive amount of water. I had my head down far enough that I actually vomited up my nose. It was very unpleasant. I vomited up all the soup and then what must’ve been stomach acid because it was burning my throat.

Luckily I feel quite a bit better now. I still haven’t pooped again and I feel really run down and achy but not like I’m going to pass out.

So, what caused all this shitting and vomiting? After dropping off my partner at the airport I decided to stop at an Asian grocer and see what kind of interesting foods they had. I ended up getting a cow’s heart, I’d never head heart before. I read online that you slice it up and cook it like a steak, so that’s what I did. But I like my steaks really rare and I guess that wasn’t enough cooking for a heart.

Moral of the story. Andrew’s right, don’t try new foods.

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